What the hell is wrong with me? I walked into Jackie’s back yard and everyone yelled surprise! and I could barely even crack a smile.  I really think the only time I smiled today is when my auto “Mommy” smile came on. You know the one: “I’m a mommy and I’m supposed to smile when little kids do something cute, especially my own.” or when my customer service smile kicked in (anyone who’s worked any sort of customer service or retail knows the smile I’m talking about, the one you use even when you want the person you’re working with to crawl in a hole and die). I really tried to force myself to smile and show some happiness, but it wasn’t coming.
I still can’t. It’s 12:30, and I can’t get to sleep. I still feel like crap from this stupid head cold. And I feel about as emotional as a lump of coal. I want to cry just because it’s something, because I want to feel anything at all right now. Maybe this will all be better in the morning…oh wait, it’s morning-ish. I want to sleep but sleep won’t come. Really I want to curl up in a ball, and what? I don’t know. I don’t really care.