Rojo's Journal

Dreams

Rojo — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 22:53:14 +0000

I was just sitting in the chair, watching K. I must have fallen asleep. I dreamt that I had a small fishing boat. We were pulling in the net. It was me and two kids. A boy and girl, around 10. They looked like me and Arin, but not quite, I noticed a bit of a point to their ears. I heard something and turned. K was at the helm, he was pointing out to the water, and yelling something at me. I turned and somehow I had slipped. I fell into the water. I saw him and the kids at the railing reaching out to me, Bran held out his cane, but they couldn’t reach. Then a shark grabbed me by the ankle. I remember thinking “Gods damned Varuulani pet!” It had stripes on it’s fin like an officer’s uniform markings. Then it pulled me under really hard and I felt a whack with K’s cane on the back of my head.
I woke up with a start, reaching to grab that damn cane away from him (next time he hits me with that thing, I’m going to take it away from him), but my hand hit the floor. I realized I had slid off the chair, and that thump must have been my head hitting the floor.
I looked around, shut the door which was open a bit for some reason, and checked on K. He was still out. Pava’s drugs seemed to be working really well after those strange oozes attacked us and paralyzed him. I’m still really worried about him. I try not to think about it, but what if he never wakes up? I don’t know if I can handle that. Not again.

Receipt for Tea

Rojo — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 19:48:15 +0000

Receipt Date: 1/27/1792

1 lb of Mate Barista Tea $25

Gift Wrap $6

Delivery To: Bran T. at Liam D’Arcy’s estate $5

$36 – PAID IN FULL

B(r)other

Rojo — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 19:47:08 +0000

I talked to Pava, I had to ask. “Did Arin ever talk about me?” Not that she could remember. Wow. Talk about a blow to the ego. I know it’s not her or Kit’s fault that their family bought Arin, but, to hear her say “He was like a brother to me.” just hurts. That was supposed to be me. I try to feel glad that he’s happy with Kit, but I just feel jealous. I guess somehow when he got free I wanted things to go back to the way they were before the slave ship. Stupid.
One good thing, K is keeping my mind off that. He is such a welcome and wonderful distraction. I still keep thinking that it’s too good to be true. That Arin should be free now, and that I can have K.
He knows me, and still wants me. I’m just worried about him. There are secrets and I see them eating at him. I want to see him without that weight hanging over his head. I know he’s trying to protect me from it, but it hurts to not see him happy.
When he doesn’t have anything to hold back, I think we’ll be able to enjoy each other even more.
~B

Love

Rojo — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:48:39 +0000

I realized something while talking to Cairdre last night. I really did try, but I still found myself in love with him. Really, really in love with him. It’s not just because I’m sleeping with him, but he’s taken the time to get to know the real me. And he really opened up last night and let me see the real him. But what really struck me was the idea that I didn’t want to live in a world without him.

Arin is off doing his own thing with Kit, I finally don’t have a mission to save him. I can do something just for me. It’s so odd to think that I can have K, and I really think he wants me too. Me, really me. Its so strange and wonderful. I just hope he realizes he can always count on me, no matter what. I just never really thought I could feel so sure about wanting to be with one person.

Date?

Rojo — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 22:14:55 +0000

What the hell? It’s somewhere around 4am and I’m here, walking on the beach at St. Ransom, alone. HRM Daci and Sights are in MY room with MY boyfriend talking “business”. What did I do? Am I just some random distraction? If I am, I’d like to know. I just want to know where I stand with him. He’s so… But why is he talking to her? I’m not jealous, but what the hell? “Business”…

Someone’s having a bad day on one of the boats. Oh crap, it’s ours.

Being wrong is good

Rojo — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 05:37:30 +0000

I was wrong about K. I’m soooo glad I was wrong.

Shy

Rojo — Fri, 28 May 2010 21:12:24 +0000

I’ve just been avoiding Bran. Yeah, I still make sure his pot’s on in the morning, but I can’t talk to him. I want to…I want to do a lot of things, but every time I do talk to him I go all tongue tied. I don’t want to throw myself at him. Sometimes I wish that that hallucination I had with the mushrooms when he kissed me would quit haunting me. The way he looked at me, that weird story with the boats. Sometimes I wish it had been real. Sometimes I wish I never would have kissed him back on our first birth at Frienze. But mostly I wish that we could talk again. I know being on board this ship with so many people has got to be rough for him. If we make it out of this next mission alive, I’ll see about talking to the captain about some leave for him. I’m sure he’ll need some “alone time”.

Trusting

Rojo — Fri, 28 May 2010 20:58:52 +0000

Today I gave Pava my bracer. She needs it more than me. I can get hit, hell I can get killed and we’ll be no worse for the ware. But without a medic, if I get hit, it might be the end of me. I’d rather not have it go like that. She needs the magic woogie stuff more than I do. Besides when we’re training, I’ll get to try to hit her. That’ll make me feel better about – things.

The captain is running us harder than normal. I’m kind of glad to keep my mind off of Bran. I still keep thinking about that damn table every time he walks by. No one mentions it, but I can feel my face go red and everyone finds something else to look at. The drills are a lot like what I learned on the Hurricane. Some of the commands are different, but Fox…well… she was real Varuulani military. The not nice kind. I often wonder how scared I should be of her. She sure looks different without the hat. All us girls have to wear buns now. I personally like my rope braid, but she said it’s not military so we’ve got to be convincing. Dealing with Breckenridge leaves a sour taste, but I hope it will be worth it.

Blaggard!

Rojo — Fri, 28 May 2010 20:51:30 +0000

That addled blaggard! What in god’s teeth did he think he was doing? Damnit!

First we call him to the interrogation with two Varuulani spies to see if he can get some more information from them. I don’t know how this works. I just know he can read people’s minds. He then explains what we want is too vague and that he can’t really do it while they’re unconscious. But instead of just saying that, he goes and says “It’d be like taking and forcibly “taking” me on the table right there…if I didn’t want that.” In front of Pava and Phillipe. I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do for him, but damn it, why did he have to point it out to them? He said he wanted to be more than friends, but it almost seemed like I repulsed him when I suggested the word “romantic”. I already was thinking about that kiss from my hallucinations. Then when I finally get that out of my head he goes and says that. Now I keep thinking about him bending me over that damn table every time I look at him. It’s worse than when I worked for Trak. At least then, I hadn’t been as hopeful. Then I was stupid, then I knew I didn’t have a chance with a legend. Now, I’m older, and he’s sweet, caring, and…I’m mad at myself.

After that, the damn fool hears something from one of the prisoners just as we’re putting them away with the monks, and he goes running off to the Captain. He runs into her cabin, and takes that cane of his and pulls it out a sword and holds it to her neck. In that instant I had to choose. Any other person and I would have had my dagger at his throat or in his back. But he had seen something in that traitor’s mind that scared him. But even then… my duty was to my captain, and I turned on her. I failed. He doesn’t even feel for me… and I betrayed my captain for him. He should have been flogged for that. We both should have.

Even then, I’ll still make sure Willace has his kettle on in the morning. Because I can’t help it. I wish it wasn’t so.

New Journal – OOC

Rojo — Thu, 27 May 2010 04:44:01 +0000

Out of Character

Rojo has a new journal. This one is red leather. She’s given her old one to Arin and told him to burn it when he’s done reading it. She realized there were too many details in there that if found on him, would get him hanged or worse. She’s a little more careful about what she writes in her journal now, in case she is captured by the Varuulani. But she’s no spymaster. She’s also decided to quit writing them all to Arin. His plausible deniability of her is now key.